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May 21, 2018

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (13)

As October 1 draws near

REMEDIES TO INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE: It must be acknowledged that many marriages are undergoing intimidation today. It is also ironical to imagine that women suffer more intimidation than men in marriage as a result of their gender. Many married men are also undergoing psychological trauma. But because a lot of them struggle to protect their ego, they pretend that all is normal while internally bearing the brunt of a terrible marriage partner in the home. Let us postulate some panacea to overcoming the evil of intimidation in marriage.   Recognize that marriage partners are equal: In the nuptial blessing given…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (12)

As October 1 draws near

EFFECTS OF INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE Married life with an abuser/intimidator is characterized by constant criticism over matters of small consequence, blames, false accusations, threats and malicious humour. According to the Psychologist Steven Stosny, Founder, Compassion Power in Washington D.C., “this behaviour is designed to make you feel unworthy, fearful, ashamed and mentally unstable”. The effects are numerous:   TENSION/FEAR: Any marriage relationship characterized by intimidation is filled with constant tension. Intimidation makes the victim fear his/her partner. Since the relationship in this case is one of master/servant, one party is always in charge, the other is like a personal aide….

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (11) CAUSES OF INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE

As October 1 draws near

Many factors give rise to intimidation in marriage:   MISCONCEIVED AUTONOMY: Saint Paul advised the Galatians thus, “After all, brothers, you were called to be free; do not use your freedom as an opening for self indulgence, but be servants to one another in love” (Gal.5: 13). There is no gain overemphasizing the negative influence of false sense of autonomy in marriage. Some husbands feel they are absolutely free to do whatever they like in their marriage, so also some wives. Autonomy here could arise from money (wealth), power, etc. According to Fulton Sheen, “We can set ourselves above others,…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (10)

As October 1 draws near

INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE It was both fascinating and pedagogic to read an invitation to the marriage silver jubilee anniversary of a couple recently with a comic heading. The invitation read, “25 Years of Voluntary Imprisonment with Hard Labour”. That invitation really generated much fun in town but also called for sober reflection. Looking at many marriages today, one notices that some have simply become prison yards. Even though voluntarily contracted, some couples do not know how to pull out of their marriage. The main reason being that once validly celebrated, the church teaches the unity and indissolubility of marriage. The…