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August 17, 2018

The Mandela Spirit and challenges of Familyhood in Africa (2)

As October 1 draws near

Mandela’s sacrifice: To gain freedom for South African people Mandela had to sacrifice his own freedom. Not only that, Mandela  sacrificed his love for his family. While in prison between 1968 – 1969 Mandela lost his mother and his first son. He was not allowed to attend any of the funerals of these two persons most dear in his life. Yet he didn’t give up. Mandela was like the proverbial grain of wheat that died in order to bear the fruit of justice and freedom for South Africans. He was resilient in his course. Many couples in the modern society…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (15)

As October 1 draws near

  CAUSES OF IN-COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE   Communication gaps in marriage result from so many factors. Fada Atado maintained, “Some do not know how to communicate, others are too busy to communicate, or are afraid to reach out to each other”. He went further to describe communication drought in marriage this way, “When you were courting or newly married, you had plenty time for each other. You played ludo game or cards together; you took evening walk or evening drive together; you watched television or video together; you sat on the rug and rolled over each other; at times you…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (14)

As October 1 draws near

IN-COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE Remember how the drama in the Garden of Eden played out: “The Lord God said; “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him.” So the Lord God formed out of the ground various wild animals and various birds of the air, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each of them would be its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (13)

As October 1 draws near

REMEDIES TO INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE: It must be acknowledged that many marriages are undergoing intimidation today. It is also ironical to imagine that women suffer more intimidation than men in marriage as a result of their gender. Many married men are also undergoing psychological trauma. But because a lot of them struggle to protect their ego, they pretend that all is normal while internally bearing the brunt of a terrible marriage partner in the home. Let us postulate some panacea to overcoming the evil of intimidation in marriage.   Recognize that marriage partners are equal: In the nuptial blessing given…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (12)

As October 1 draws near

EFFECTS OF INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE Married life with an abuser/intimidator is characterized by constant criticism over matters of small consequence, blames, false accusations, threats and malicious humour. According to the Psychologist Steven Stosny, Founder, Compassion Power in Washington D.C., “this behaviour is designed to make you feel unworthy, fearful, ashamed and mentally unstable”. The effects are numerous:   TENSION/FEAR: Any marriage relationship characterized by intimidation is filled with constant tension. Intimidation makes the victim fear his/her partner. Since the relationship in this case is one of master/servant, one party is always in charge, the other is like a personal aide….

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (10)

As October 1 draws near

INTIMIDATION IN MARRIAGE It was both fascinating and pedagogic to read an invitation to the marriage silver jubilee anniversary of a couple recently with a comic heading. The invitation read, “25 Years of Voluntary Imprisonment with Hard Labour”. That invitation really generated much fun in town but also called for sober reflection. Looking at many marriages today, one notices that some have simply become prison yards. Even though voluntarily contracted, some couples do not know how to pull out of their marriage. The main reason being that once validly celebrated, the church teaches the unity and indissolubility of marriage. The…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (8)

As October 1 draws near

  EFFECTS OF INSINCERITY IN MARRIAGE Insincerity has numerous effects on the marriage institution. Its effects are felt by the individual who becomes the instrument, by the partner or immediate family members who become the direct victims of lies, by those around the insincere person and by the marriage itself. Let us take the effects one after the other.   Loss of self worth: Self worth, self integrity, self respect, self regard or self esteem is something every individual cherishes. Many early theories in psychology suggested that self-esteem is a basic human need or motivation. Psychologists define it as the…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (7)

As October 1 draws near

CAUSES OF INSINCERITY IN MARRIAGE Many couples today have different reasons why they tell lies to each other. Some may see these reasons as justifiable while others do it merely to play smart. In the words of Thomas Pazhayampallil, “Modern society presents special challenges to the young. At every turn they are enticed by a concept of human freedom that is really slavery, by a relativism that robs them of the truth, and by a materialism and pragmatism that can rob them of their very souls” (Pazhayampallil, T., Words of Eternal Life, vol.1, p. 1003). Our concern here is primarily…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (5)

As October 1 draws near

REMEDIES TO INFIDELITY Avoid other bad habits: The worst way to conquer evil is by the aid of evil (Cf. Mark 3:20-30). Two wrongs cannot make a right. It is wrong for a couple to become addicted to another bad habit simply because the partner has taken to extra marital affairs. For instance, some couples indulge in alcohol and become drunk as palliative to the effects of infidelity. Some learn to keep away late also to solve such problems. Others too look for extra marital partners to fill in the vacuum created by their man or woman. Others still become…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (4) – EFFECTS OF INFIDELITY

As October 1 draws near

  Infidelity puts a snag in marriage. It can make a sweet matrimonial bond turn automatically sour. Some of the effects include: distraction, mistrust, lies, anxiety, suspicion, loss of affection, frustration, violence, separation, etc.   Distraction: Christ was very blunt when he warned in the scripture, “No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other” (Mtt. 6:24). The principle of Non Contradiction also holds that something cannot be and not be at the same time. The Igbos say, “Anaghi eji ukwu abuo awufe ogwe”. All…

THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (3) – CAUSES OF INFIDELITY

As October 1 draws near

Disaffection: Affection is major oil in marriage. It is more than sexual satisfaction. It is the feeling of being appreciated by one’s partner. Ironically, women value love in their relationship than sex. Unfortunately however, many men do not realize it. Blessed Pope John Paul 11 once said in his address to couples that a man loves in order to be loved while a woman is loved in order to love. In marriage, every woman wants to feel special. Every woman wants the husband to tell her, “You are beautiful”, “You look good”, “I love you”, “Your hairstyle is special”, “Your…

WHY SOME POLICE ARE RELUCTANT TO TAKE RISKS

This topic at face value looks like an exclusive interview with the Nigeria Police. It looks like a story concerning the attitude of the Police with their usual excuses in relation to taking up security responsibilities. It equally looks like an article or feature with the aim of x raying the police’s reluctance to answer distress calls in Nigeria. Yes, something like that. But it goes beyond a mere article or feature in this case. It is a personal encounter with a police man who is critically ill, almost in a comatose condition in a hospital in Owerri at the…