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February 24, 2017

How to deal with jealousy

Do you feel jealous if you see your Partner with another person? We have all been a little bit jealous from time to time and some argue that a healthy level of jealousy is actually good for a relationship but extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity. If you marry such a person, the level of possessiveness will increase and you will feel threatened by every woman he comes in contact with. It is a habit that may become abusive and the easiest way to push your Partner away and destroy your marriage.

Jealousy is indeed a strong emotion that infects and affects a relationship. Although jealousy can be felt toward anyone: friends, family, spouses and others.

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” Proverbs 27:4

Some persons take common courtesy, kindness, or appreciation and so on for a dating relationship. This kind of unreasonable jealousy is a result of lack of trust in the one you love and resting in the LORD!

Jealousy commonly arises from comparison, competition, and the fear of being replaced. Every friendship, every relationship, is bound to fall apart when you start getting jealous at everything or everyone, jealousy alone does not kill but suspicion does too.

Why are you always going through the front and back of his or her phone, what are you suspecting? The more you do that, the more the other party tends to pretend or hide things from you which is not healthy for the growth of your relationship!

Trust is really a needed factor in any union, do not be quick to feel or follow the saying ‘no one is to be trusted’ it is not healthy. I am not saying you cannot check when a closeness is getting too much, of course you can without a trace of jealousy.

Galatians 5:20 listed jealousy as one of the fruits of darkness along with hatred, discord, and fits of rage. Jealousy can spoil a great relationship as it permeates every facet and turns what is good into bad.

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Some tips to help you deal with jealousy;

  1. Improve your self-esteem independently of your partner. Try to spend time doing something you enjoy and that makes you feel good about yourself.
  2. Recognize your partner’s love. This will help you when you have moments of insecurity.
  3. Consider other people. Take their reactions into account before you react can help you stay calm and in control.
  4. Take responsibility for your jealousy. If your jealousy comes from your own insecurities rather than your partner’s actions try to recognize and accept this, it could help you overcome the negative emotions.
  5. Change your attitude. Recognize that healthy couples have separate interests. Try not to get jealous if your partner decides to spend an evening with friends rather than you, make your own plans and look forward to even more to talk about when you are back together.
  6. Create balance. If your social life revolves around your partner it is inevitable you will feel jealous when they want to do their own thing. By developing your own interests, re-igniting friendships, and carving out some independence you can take some pressure off your relationship.
  7. Learn from past behaviour. If jealousy has caused issues in your previous relationships; recognize this and use the past experience to help you make positive changes in your current or same relationship. Nobody wants to make the same mistakes twice.
  8. Share your feelings. Make your partner an ally not an enemy in battling your jealous feelings. Be open when you are feeling jealous and ask for your partner’s support. Explain that you know the feelings may not be rational, but that a little reassurance can help you let go and move on.
  9. Communicate. Be free to discuss with your partner, ask questions when needed, let questions be the first rather than actions. If you feel uncomfortable with some of his female friends, ask questions, be free to ask.
  10. Deal with your control issues. Jealousy is also related to control, it is linked to the belief that you have a right to control the other person.
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However, the steps you can take may be very challenging and does not come without risk. If you truly want a chance for your partner to change, the best place to start is with yourself. By changing how you respond to your partner’s jealousy you will develop a greater understanding of how difficult it is to make changes.

A jealous partner can place a real strain on relationships, but with work from both sides, it is possible to overcome it. Check out these tips for working it out together.

1) Take joint responsibility for the problem. Whatever is the root cause of irrational jealousy, it takes commitment from both partners to beat it.

2) Deal with your self-esteem issues too. If you are so afraid of losing the relationship that you are willing to put up with the jealous behavior, then you need to develop a greater sense of self-worth. You are too afraid to discuss the problem with your partner, all because of the fear of losing him or her puts a question on your own self esteem.

3) Once you have developed your self-confidence, you need to assertively communicate to your partner that his or her behavior is hurtful and you cannot tolerate it. How you communicate this is important and needs to be done in a loving way, not as criticism or in angry reaction.

4) If the previous step do not open your partner’s eyes to his or her behaviour, then you may have to take the most difficult step. You may have to decide that a break will be needed in the relationship. You let your partner know that he or she needs to make changes or your relationship will not be able to continue.

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When you discuss this issue, it needs to be in a calm manner and not during anger. If they begin to recognize the problem and try to make changes, then you are on the road to recovery.

5) Build your partner’s confidence. Jealousy and insecurity are interwoven. The more secure your partner feels about your relationship, and the more confident they are that you are both fulfilled in the relationship, the less jealous they will feel. Make effort to boost confidence by expressing love, paying compliments and discussing your future together.

6) Check your behaviour. Try to make sure your actions do not fuel your partner’s jealous tendencies. Do not make promises you cannot keep, do not act in a suspicious manner, be open and honest, let your yes be found yes and no remains no!

In conclusion; instead of getting angry with your partner when he or she is  jealous, remember it is only a problem because they value your relationship so much, if they did not care they would not be jealous, just that it is going to the extreme and can be checked.

Deal with your jealousy and do not let it affect your relationships.


By Dr. Mrs. Nma Olebara

( 08035500318)



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