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THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (2)

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As October 1 draws near

MIND AND BODY with  Rev. Fr. Vincent E. Arisukwu

INFIDELITY

Infidelity in marriage can also be referred to as cheating, adultery or extramarital affair. Wikipedia defines it as the subjective feeling that one’s partner has violated a set of rules or relationship norms and this violation results in feelings of sexual jealousy and rivalry. The violation can be sexual in nature, for example involving kissing, sexual fondling or sex with another individual outside of the marriage relationship.

Statistics reveal that the rate of infidelity in marriage is higher in men than in women. In their book, Close Encounters: Communication in relationships, Guerrero, Anderson and Afifi maintained that men are more likely than women to have a sexual affair, regardless of whether or not they are in a married or unmarried relationship. According to the New York Times data from the University of Chicago’s General Social Survey (GSS), interviews conducted since 1972 revealed that the number of men admitting to extra marital affairs is 12 percent and for women, 7 percent. The Kinsey report that came out in America in the early 1950s asserted that about one half of men and a quarter of women had committed adultery while the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior in America also reported that one third of married men and a quarter of women have had an extra marital affair.

Back home in Nigeria, most men seem to have been let loose regarding marital infidelity, women only seem to follow. Some men between the ages of 35 and 60 seem to see it as a way of socialization. Some brag about it while some make jokes with it among their peers. A few have been misled by friends and counterparts who make them believe falsely that a man cannot keep to one woman at a time. I met a woman recently who came to complain about the attitude of her husband in their marriage. The woman said she has endured so much in the marriage that she concluded that the only solution would be to take an offensive vengeance. This woman gave the basest definition of marriage I have ever heard. According to her, marriage is “a game of the smartest partner”. For my client, marriage has lost its texture of being an institution of love. It has become a game of smartness, a game of hide and seek with each couple hiding his/her joker in the pockets. It has become a game of timing, the smarter partner wins.

At the time of exchange of consent, the marrying couples say to each other, “…take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity”. And they seal it with, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” What this means is that the ring exchanged before God and his people in marriage becomes a symbol of the self giving to one another in the sacrament of marriage. What is actually exchanged in marriage is not the ring but love. This love is the mutual acceptance of each other which the bride and bride groom consent to for the rest of their lives. They exchange their hearts, minds, bodies, will and possession for the rest of their lives. They exchange their privacies, their likes and their hates for the rest of their lives. That is why the church teaches thus, “The couple administer the sacrament to one another by their mutual consent… we can say that the matter of the sacrament is the mutual offer of themselves as husband and wife made in words or in signs. The form is the mutual acceptance of the same, expressed in a similar manner. Since it is the bride and bridegroom who make this contract and since it is sacramental in virtue of the baptismal character of the contracting parties, they are said to be the ministers of the sacrament” (Pazhayampallil, T., Pastoral Guide, Vol. 2, Bangalore: 2004, p.817).

 

CAUSES OF INFIDELITY

Many factors can be responsible for infidelity in marriage. These include false claims, promiscuity, sexual dissatisfaction, power/false sense of autonomy, spiritual dryness, greed, disaffection, etc. Let us look at them separately.

Promiscuity: Promiscuity or sexual permissiveness is the greatest factor responsible for infidelity in marriage. In a Journal of Research on Adolescence in 1999, Feldman and Cauffman, in their article, “Your cheating heart: Attitudes, behaviors and correlates of sexual betrayal in late adolescents”, maintained that individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had high number of past sexual relationships are also more likely to engage in infidelity.

Some people have high libidinal tendencies and fail to control their sexual urge. They lack the required discipline to control their desires. They would want to satisfy themselves each time the drive comes.  Promiscuous men go after women with desperation so also promiscuous women. They find it hard to keep to one sexual partner in marriage. These are the group of men who keep companies that have their discussions centered on women. Women with permissive lifestyle also share discussions dominated by the opposite sex. The men keep late companies, visit hotels and even hire rooms in the hotels sometimes arranged for them by their errand boys. They often visit clubs and sometimes patronize prostitutes to satisfy their bodily concupiscence. Such persons don’t imagine the possibility of staying without sex. They flirt with different ladies; even hide their identities as married men. They are never satisfied, never ashamed of themselves. They are the popular sugar daddies and mommies in the society.

Sexual Dissatisfaction: Most marriages have suffered silently today because some partners have been sexually starved by their companions. Marriage involves the total giving of a man completely to his wife and vice versa. In marriage the man has absolute right to his wife’s body, so also the woman. None has the right to deny the other sex which aims at the creation of a community of life and love, procreation and proper upbringing of children. Canon 1061 $1 says that once the couples have been joined in holy matrimony, “By their initial act of intercourse (i.e. consummation), the spouses express their covenantal joining in the most profound manner and become one flesh in the physical sense. This is the most expressive sign of the fact that they have committed themselves to one another for the creation of the community of the whole of life”. It is therefore a great risk when a woman complains that her husband does not touch her or when a man complains that her wife avoids him.

A man once came to tell me that his wife annoyed him and he decided to starve her of sex for three months. I told him bluntly that he was wrong. I made him to understand that he had better starve the woman of money than of what legitimately binds them together. Except in the case of sickness or spiritual exercise, whereby there is mutual agreement to abstain from sexual intercourse for the good of the union, a couple has no right to deny each other the companionship required of husband and wife.

Some men complain that they are not satisfied by their wives. Some women accuse their husbands of non performance. Some use such reason as avenue for infidelity in marriage. Some how, it is a difficult thing for them to voice out, but it is a major cause of marital infidelity in the society today.

___________________-
To be contd.

 

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USAID begins Covid-19 testing in Imo rural areas

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USAID averts 25,000 unwanted pregnancies in Ebonyi, Kogi

…Umuagwo Varsity of Agric kicks-off October

The United States Agency for International Development (USAID) has begun Covid-19 testing in the 27 Local Government Areas of Imo State, “in a bid to reduce the impact of community spread of the virus in the rural areas of the state.

The Imo State Commissioner for Information and Strategy, Chief Declan Mbadiwe Emelumba disclosed this in Owerri while briefing newsmen on the outcome of the Weekly Executive Council meeting presided over by Governor Hope Uzodimma on Wednesday.

Chief Emelumba said so far, the USAID officials have carried out reasonable number of testing in Njaba LGA and reported that all those tested came out negative and that the council prayed that the result from other Local Government Areas will be the same.

He announced that the Nigerian Universities Commission (NUC) has approved the take off of the Imo State University for Agriculture and Environmental Sciences Umuagwo in October this year.

According to him, the approval underscores the efforts which the Imo State Government ably led by Governor Hope Uzodinma has made towards the establishment of a second university for the state.

Recently, the NUC panel was in Imo State to carry out the necessary verification exercises on the state facilities, human and physical infrastructures.

Mr. Declan Emelumba, who was flanked by the Commissioner for Education, Prof. Bernard Ikegwuoha, Commissioner for Health Dr. Damaris Osunkwo and the Chief Press Secretary/Media Adviser to the Governor Mr. Oguwike Nwachuku, informed that the Executive Council is happy that something new is happening in the Education Sector of the State.

Emelumba said that the Imo State University of Science and Environmental Sciences, Umuagwo will take off by October when other universities would be resuming for a new academic session.

In the same vein, the Council has approved the immediate relocation of Faculty of Engineering Imo State University Owerri to its permanent site at Okigwe, stressing that Government has put all processes and facilities on ground to ensure the immediate take–off of the faculty.

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Imo Governor’s aide visits Oziza FM Staff, Ogechi Iwu in hospital

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Imo Governor’s aide visits Oziza FM  Staff, Ogechi Iwu in hospital

The Chief Press Secretary and Media Adviser to Governor Hope Uzodimma of Imo State, Mr. Oguwike Nwachuku has visited Mr. Ogechi Iwu, a journalist with Osiza FM.

The media man is hospitalized at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC), Owerri over complications from diabetes that led to his right leg being amputated.

Mr. Nwachuku said the visit was to show solidarity on behalf of Governor Uzodimma to his professional colleague, assuring him of their prayers, particularly that of his principal, and the prayers of Mr. Iwu’s numerous friends and well wishers who are touched by his plight.

“I am here on behalf of my principal to associate with him in this time of health challenge and to encourage him not to see the sickness as a death sentence.”

Oge Iwu at fmc

L-R: Chief Akaraonye, Mr. Oguwike Nwachuku with Ogechi Iwu during the visit

Mr. Nwachuku urged Mr. Iwu to continue in the high spirit he saw him and trust God for his total recovery “because healing is a thing of mind and when a sick person is in high spirit the patient gets recovered quickly.”

The spokesman of the Governor promised to bring the plight of the journalist to the attention of his principal, and assured that the Governor will, in his usual manner of one with milk of human sympathy, show concern over Iwu’s plight.

Earlier, Mr. Iwu thanked the CPS/Media Adviser, the State Chairman of NUJ, Imo State, Chief Christopher Akaraonye and other journalists who were on the entourage, for coming to identify with him on his sick bed, and assured that God in his infinite mercy will quicken his recovery.

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Bishop Ugorji heads IMSU Governing Council

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Bishop Ugorji heads IMSU Governing Council

Imo State Governor, Senator Hope Uzodimma has inaugurated a new Governing Council, for the Imo State University, IMSU, Owerri.

At the inauguration ceremony on Monday, August 31, the governor named Most Rev. Lucius Ugorji as the Chairman of the Governing Council and Pro-Chancellor of the University.

Other members of the Council include: Chief Leo Stan Ekeh, Chief Tony Ezenna, Prof. (Ven.) Chinedu Nebo, Sir. Louis Ezeigwe, Chief Engr. Ernest Nwapa, Dr. (Mrs.) Uwandu Uzoma, Ugoeze Victoria Adaku Ekezie, Prof. Adaobi Obasi (Vice Chancellor) and others.

Speaking at the inauguration, Governor Uzodimma said the choice of the members is to infuse fresh air into the university because “It is in dire need to bounce back to reckoning.”
He added that the choice of the members was because they have carved a niche for themselves in their chosen fields of endeavour and that they have earned solid reputation as men and women of substance in their individual trade, indices that qualified them for the appointment.

He challenged the members to bring their reputation to bear on the University, bearing in mind the task for good quality scholarship in Imo State University as well as service to humanity.

The Governor urged the members to deploy their individual accomplishments, excellence, expertise, passion for service as effectively as necessary to actualize the dream of his administration of having a highly reputable University comparable to the best Universities in the World.

He also requested the Council to “restore in words and deeds the motto of Imo State University, which is Excellence in Service”.

“Imo State University currently is a classical example of a failed University,” Governor Uzodimma said but strongly believed that “with a star studded Governing Council such as the one inaugurated there is no doubt that Imo is on the track to realize the dreams of her founding fathers.”

He further enjoined the Council members to quickly hit the ground running and come up with policies and programmes that will reassure Imo people that the University that made them proud 20 years back is on track as he assured them of Government partnership in this regard.

In an acceptance speech, on behalf of the Council, the Chairman, Most Rev. Ugorji who is the Catholic Bishop of Umuahia thanked the Governor for the absolute confidence reposed in them by giving them the assignment and acknowledged that though the task is daunting he has a strong belief that with the calibre of members of the Council and support of the management, staff and students the University will be returned to a centre of excellence which was the dream of the founding fathers.

He said that Imo State University deserves the best and that he and his members as inaugurated will work acidulously to ensure that the target of the governor in making Imo State University one of the best universities in Africa is realised.

He congratulated fellow members and promised that God’s willing, they will not fail the government and people of Imo State.

Present at the inauguration were the Deputy Governor, Prof. Placid Njoku, the Speaker Imo State House of Assembly, Rt. Hon. Chiji Collins, the Secretary to the State Government, Chief Cosmas Iwu, and other members of the expanded State Executive Council.

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