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THE TEN ‘I’s THAT BREAK THE HOME (3) – CAUSES OF INFIDELITY

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As October 1 draws near

MIND AND BODY with  Rev. Fr. Vincent E. Arisukwu

Disaffection: Affection is major oil in marriage. It is more than sexual satisfaction. It is the feeling of being appreciated by one’s partner. Ironically, women value love in their relationship than sex. Unfortunately however, many men do not realize it. Blessed Pope John Paul 11 once said in his address to couples that a man loves in order to be loved while a woman is loved in order to love. In marriage, every woman wants to feel special. Every woman wants the husband to tell her, “You are beautiful”, “You look good”, “I love you”, “Your hairstyle is special”, “Your food is wow”, etc. Every woman wants a pet name.  But these words of admiration don’t often come from some men. Some do not buy gifts for their wives. They expect their wives to always provide for them and worse still, never get excited at the reception of such gifts. Some men would always expect wonderful dishes on special days such as their birthdays and Father’s Days but do not even know their wives’ birthdays and wouldn’t care about any celebrations that affect women. Some other men are very good in providing their wives with money to buy food and whatever may be required in the house. But they do it as a mere duty lacking fun. Even when they are served delicious food, they only feel that their wives have fulfilled their obligation and do not deserve commendations. It becomes dangerous when women receive these commendations and admirations from outside, more so from particular men. These words distract women and could gradually settle in their sub-conscious if not properly evaluated. The same applies to women. Some women feel shy to tell their husband, “Honey, I love you”, “You are my best man” etc.  Disaffection could lead to infidelity.

 

False claims: I have heard some people argue that poverty can drive some married couples into infidelity. They hold the argument that some women have affairs with other men in order to improve the lot of their families and to provide for the husbands. I categorize these as false claims. The false claim of poverty is only a misplacement of value and foolish quest for what a person cannot afford. False claims can also be alibi to satisfy one’s sexual urge. A poor man can be a wonderful lover, happily married, so also a rich man and vice versa. What is important is being contented with what a person has and living within one’s means. Poverty could be a threat but conscientious effort and focus help to overcome it. Such false claims could lead to infidelity.

 

Greed: I purposely refused to mention this word in the treatment of the false claims as a cause of infidelity in marriage. Many women run after men outside their matrimonial homes because of greed. Some peer group influence leads them into lifestyles beyond their means. In order to beat the demands of the “society” which they belong, they look for financial wedge outside their homes. They compromise their bodies in order to get what they lack. They try to live big in order to belong to their false class. The more they aspire to be like others, the more they succumb to the pressure of compromising their marriage vows. Many women are unfaithful to their husbands today because of greed and inordinate quest.

 

Money Power: Money power could be a cause of infidelity for men or women who have promiscuous tendencies. This is obtainable when a man allows himself to be controlled by his wealth. It can also happen to a woman. Such persons wouldn’t be ashamed to ask their marriage partners the question, “Do you pay the house rent for me in this house?” They would often utter such statements, “If you mess up I send you packing”. But unfortunately they type are the messing around in the strict sense. Such megalomaniac uses his money to maintain or cater for the needs of his numerous girl friends. For instance, only a man with money can lodge in hotels or even accommodate women in expensive hotels. A man with money can sponsor scores of women in different universities at the same time. A man with money can live a life of waste and debauchery. This is the danger of money power where a man/woman feels he/she can do whatever he/she likes with no one having to question. A woman once lamented that her husband’s charity goes to women alone. This is why St. Paul warns, “But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and are caught in the trap of many foolish and harmful desires, which pull them down to ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the source of all kinds of evil” (1Tim. 6: 9-10). If not properly managed, the power of money could lead a man/woman to stupidity and infidelity.

 

Bad Company: One thing that corrupts any man or woman is bad or negative influence from friends. When a man begins to associate with bad friends, he begins to face the pressure of dancing to their tone. Either he succumbs or decamps. Many cases of infidelity are as a result of peer group pressure from friends. When a married man or woman has greedy, promiscuous, insatiable friends, the tendency is for them to lure him/her into negative habits. When a friend commits an atrocity known only to his friend, the next measure is to play his friend into such act so that they will have a common secret. Therefore, unfaithful spouses will always corrupt their friends and can lead them to infidelity.

 

Environment: Igbos say it is dangerous to plug the rat’s hole with kernel. They also hold that it is a great risk to keep fuel near fire. When a man surrounds himself completely with women, such environment is often described as harsh to the person because he is exposed to temptation either consciously or unconsciously. Psychologists have proven that men who are exposed to female environment always fall victim of infidelity and vice versa. It could be that such men do not willingly desire it but that the environment compels them to do so. It’s good to take precautionary measures against harsh working environment. It could lead to infidelity.

 

Poor Cooking Habit: Just as many men don’t know that they contribute to the reason why their wives look outside, so also many women do not know that they are the reasons why their men fall prey to external distractions. When a woman is in the habit of cooking bad food, the tendency is for the husband to also form the habit of eating out. Be it in the Fast Foods, hotels, restaurants, or friend’s house, a man who eats outside his marital home is vulnerable to false attractions. Some women cash in on such opportunities to entrap men. Some even resort to charms to distract the men and make them detest everything about their homes. A woman who is a bad cook cannot attract the husband to table. She does not make the man anticipate his meal. Such a man could be at table with his wife for mere formality while relishing the wonderful dish he takes in his mistress’ home. Poor cooking could lead to infidelity.

 

Vengeance: Many a couple have had problem in marriage as a result of vengeance. I have handled a case of a woman who swore to take revenge on her cheating husband. Such a woman at some point felt she was simply playing the fool considering the fact that the husband’s unfaithfulness was getting out of hands. She then decided to fall also to let the man know that no one has monopoly of infidelity. Some women also do that. They say, “Since I cannot stop him, I better take my own pound of the flesh”. No one dies for a man who is unfaithful”. Infidelity can result from vengeance of a partner against the other.

 

Spiritual Dryness: Any couple that is not committed spiritually should better watch out. When a couple is spiritually arid, physical hunger increases. St. James admonished thus, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (Jas. 4:7-8). The entire factors listed above could be taken care of by greater involvement in spiritual activities. When one is spiritually bereft, he could be a victim of any of the above factors in marriage. When a couple becomes spiritually dry, their conscience becomes jeopardized. St. Paul says, “The spiritual are interested in spiritual things while the unspiritual are interested in unspiritual things” (Rom. 8:5). When a married person is far from God, the tendency to fall prey to material attractions becomes high. When a couple is far from God, the tendency to take marriage for granted becomes a possibility. When one is far from God, the tendency to succumb to the flesh is high. When a married man detaches himself from God, he loses sight of the sacrament he has received, so also a married woman.

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USAID begins Covid-19 testing in Imo rural areas

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USAID averts 25,000 unwanted pregnancies in Ebonyi, Kogi

…Umuagwo Varsity of Agric kicks-off October

The United States Agency for International Development (USAID) has begun Covid-19 testing in the 27 Local Government Areas of Imo State, “in a bid to reduce the impact of community spread of the virus in the rural areas of the state.

The Imo State Commissioner for Information and Strategy, Chief Declan Mbadiwe Emelumba disclosed this in Owerri while briefing newsmen on the outcome of the Weekly Executive Council meeting presided over by Governor Hope Uzodimma on Wednesday.

Chief Emelumba said so far, the USAID officials have carried out reasonable number of testing in Njaba LGA and reported that all those tested came out negative and that the council prayed that the result from other Local Government Areas will be the same.

He announced that the Nigerian Universities Commission (NUC) has approved the take off of the Imo State University for Agriculture and Environmental Sciences Umuagwo in October this year.

According to him, the approval underscores the efforts which the Imo State Government ably led by Governor Hope Uzodinma has made towards the establishment of a second university for the state.

Recently, the NUC panel was in Imo State to carry out the necessary verification exercises on the state facilities, human and physical infrastructures.

Mr. Declan Emelumba, who was flanked by the Commissioner for Education, Prof. Bernard Ikegwuoha, Commissioner for Health Dr. Damaris Osunkwo and the Chief Press Secretary/Media Adviser to the Governor Mr. Oguwike Nwachuku, informed that the Executive Council is happy that something new is happening in the Education Sector of the State.

Emelumba said that the Imo State University of Science and Environmental Sciences, Umuagwo will take off by October when other universities would be resuming for a new academic session.

In the same vein, the Council has approved the immediate relocation of Faculty of Engineering Imo State University Owerri to its permanent site at Okigwe, stressing that Government has put all processes and facilities on ground to ensure the immediate take–off of the faculty.

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Imo Governor’s aide visits Oziza FM Staff, Ogechi Iwu in hospital

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Imo Governor’s aide visits Oziza FM  Staff, Ogechi Iwu in hospital

The Chief Press Secretary and Media Adviser to Governor Hope Uzodimma of Imo State, Mr. Oguwike Nwachuku has visited Mr. Ogechi Iwu, a journalist with Osiza FM.

The media man is hospitalized at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC), Owerri over complications from diabetes that led to his right leg being amputated.

Mr. Nwachuku said the visit was to show solidarity on behalf of Governor Uzodimma to his professional colleague, assuring him of their prayers, particularly that of his principal, and the prayers of Mr. Iwu’s numerous friends and well wishers who are touched by his plight.

“I am here on behalf of my principal to associate with him in this time of health challenge and to encourage him not to see the sickness as a death sentence.”

Oge Iwu at fmc

L-R: Chief Akaraonye, Mr. Oguwike Nwachuku with Ogechi Iwu during the visit

Mr. Nwachuku urged Mr. Iwu to continue in the high spirit he saw him and trust God for his total recovery “because healing is a thing of mind and when a sick person is in high spirit the patient gets recovered quickly.”

The spokesman of the Governor promised to bring the plight of the journalist to the attention of his principal, and assured that the Governor will, in his usual manner of one with milk of human sympathy, show concern over Iwu’s plight.

Earlier, Mr. Iwu thanked the CPS/Media Adviser, the State Chairman of NUJ, Imo State, Chief Christopher Akaraonye and other journalists who were on the entourage, for coming to identify with him on his sick bed, and assured that God in his infinite mercy will quicken his recovery.

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Bishop Ugorji heads IMSU Governing Council

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Bishop Ugorji heads IMSU Governing Council

Imo State Governor, Senator Hope Uzodimma has inaugurated a new Governing Council, for the Imo State University, IMSU, Owerri.

At the inauguration ceremony on Monday, August 31, the governor named Most Rev. Lucius Ugorji as the Chairman of the Governing Council and Pro-Chancellor of the University.

Other members of the Council include: Chief Leo Stan Ekeh, Chief Tony Ezenna, Prof. (Ven.) Chinedu Nebo, Sir. Louis Ezeigwe, Chief Engr. Ernest Nwapa, Dr. (Mrs.) Uwandu Uzoma, Ugoeze Victoria Adaku Ekezie, Prof. Adaobi Obasi (Vice Chancellor) and others.

Speaking at the inauguration, Governor Uzodimma said the choice of the members is to infuse fresh air into the university because “It is in dire need to bounce back to reckoning.”
He added that the choice of the members was because they have carved a niche for themselves in their chosen fields of endeavour and that they have earned solid reputation as men and women of substance in their individual trade, indices that qualified them for the appointment.

He challenged the members to bring their reputation to bear on the University, bearing in mind the task for good quality scholarship in Imo State University as well as service to humanity.

The Governor urged the members to deploy their individual accomplishments, excellence, expertise, passion for service as effectively as necessary to actualize the dream of his administration of having a highly reputable University comparable to the best Universities in the World.

He also requested the Council to “restore in words and deeds the motto of Imo State University, which is Excellence in Service”.

“Imo State University currently is a classical example of a failed University,” Governor Uzodimma said but strongly believed that “with a star studded Governing Council such as the one inaugurated there is no doubt that Imo is on the track to realize the dreams of her founding fathers.”

He further enjoined the Council members to quickly hit the ground running and come up with policies and programmes that will reassure Imo people that the University that made them proud 20 years back is on track as he assured them of Government partnership in this regard.

In an acceptance speech, on behalf of the Council, the Chairman, Most Rev. Ugorji who is the Catholic Bishop of Umuahia thanked the Governor for the absolute confidence reposed in them by giving them the assignment and acknowledged that though the task is daunting he has a strong belief that with the calibre of members of the Council and support of the management, staff and students the University will be returned to a centre of excellence which was the dream of the founding fathers.

He said that Imo State University deserves the best and that he and his members as inaugurated will work acidulously to ensure that the target of the governor in making Imo State University one of the best universities in Africa is realised.

He congratulated fellow members and promised that God’s willing, they will not fail the government and people of Imo State.

Present at the inauguration were the Deputy Governor, Prof. Placid Njoku, the Speaker Imo State House of Assembly, Rt. Hon. Chiji Collins, the Secretary to the State Government, Chief Cosmas Iwu, and other members of the expanded State Executive Council.

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